


this is how the devil was born

by Jadzibelle



Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: Content Warning: Bad Consent, F/M, Inspired by Poetry, Reference to Audrey/Duke, Season 5A fic, Secondary Character: Mara, Self Loathing, Vignette, character introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 16:26:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5255237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadzibelle/pseuds/Jadzibelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Duke really does know better than to trust Mara.  Or himself.</p>
<p>Somehow, he still ends up here anyway.</p>
<p>__</p>
<p>Inspired by a fantastic poem, linked within.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this is how the devil was born

 

> _“all monsters were once full of light,_  
>  _but it was stolen from them by despair,_  
>  _then the darkness seeped into their veins,_  
>  _like a deadly disease without a cure,_  
>  _and once hope betrays you,_  
>  _you can’t help but let the devil inside."_ — [this is how the devil was born](http://worthystevie.tumblr.com/post/121458234367/all-monsters-were-once-full-of-light-but-it-was) // [k.s.](http://worthystevie.tumblr.com/) 
> 
>  

* * *

 

See, the thing of it was, Duke honestly did know better.  This was not his first rodeo, he’d been married to Evi for God’s sake, he  _knew better_.  He knew better, and somehow, somehow he ended up here  _anyway_.

***

It was easier to justify than it should’ve been.  Really, how many years, and he was still falling for his own bullshit, still buying his own lies.  That, that he was pretty sure was Audrey’s fault, this time, for making him think, just for a little while, that maybe he was something he wasn’t.  That maybe, he was one of the good guys.

That maybe, he could be trusted.

He knew better.  He knew better than to believe a goddamn word coming out of his own mouth.  But she looked at him, like she  _knew_ him, like he knew her, like they understood each other, and his whole entire being just-

-wanted to believe.

He wanted to be that person.  Wanted to be the person she knew, the person who understood her, the person she turned to.  He had never in his  _life_ wanted to be reliable, but for her, oh, for her he’d sign a contract and learn how to run a restaurant and be where he said he was going to be when he said he was going to be there.  He’d come through when she called and he’d spend his free time- and not so free time- following her into the path of everything he’d always hoped to avoid.

And for just a little while, he let himself believe that it was real.  That the real him- the liar, the thief, the cheat, the let down- was dead and buried, that he could be whatever it was she saw when she looked at him and smiled.  That he could be a  _good man_.

Really, they both should’ve just listened to Nathan.  It would’ve saved them a lot of damn trouble.

***

Mara was like a bruise he couldn’t stop poking.  She wasn’t Audrey, he knew that.  She wasn’t anything like Audrey, she was…  She was an antique mirror, one of those huge old things where the glass had run and the silver was tarnished and everything was reflected dark and warped, shadows and specters.

But she looked at him, like she  _knew_ him, like he knew her, like they understood each other, and it scared him in a way he didn’t know any other way to handle anymore besides facing head-on.

He really should’ve just flinched, but he’d spent too long doing that.

Or maybe he’d just spent too long with Audrey telling him he could be  _better_ , could be  _braver_.  That he didn’t always have to be the one who ran.

He’d known, once upon a time, that discretion was the better part of valor.  He wasn’t sure when he’d lost that lesson, but it was somewhere before he’d wound up on his knees in a building set to burn, heat wavering in the air like hell come to claim him, and  _her_ in front of him, Lucifer in all but name.  Beautiful, so beautiful, and full of pride and pretty lies.  His own personal fallen angel, telling him everything he wanted to hear.

She wasn’t going to leave him.  He wasn’t alone.  Someone  _cared_.  Someone could see the pain he was in, and wasn’t going to abandon him to it, wasn’t going to leave him to die slow and miserable and scared and  _alone_.  She could help him, if he’d only let her.  She looked at him out of Audrey’s eyes and touched him with Audrey’s hands and it was a lie, it was nothing more than a mirage conjured by the heat, but really, what had he ever had but lies?  It wasn’t anything new, and he was so tired of being alone.

Her hands on him were a revelation, burned like the fire he’d brought back inside; her mouth was spun sugar and poison sweet, and for just a moment, he thought he’d found grace in her arms.

***

It shouldn’t have hurt the way it did.  He really did know better.  He met the pitch-black eyes of his reflection, all the darkness he’d always known was there brought forth for everyone to see, and wondered how the hell he’d fallen so far.

Or if there really had never been all that far to fall.


End file.
